Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
