I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
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I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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