Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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