I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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