So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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