Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
