Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
