if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
