He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
