he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
