so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
