Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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