Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
