Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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