I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
