Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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