I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
no. you can't hotbox the world.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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