I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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