I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
