first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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