the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
