I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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