and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
