Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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