halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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