Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
