I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
