So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
