It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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