I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
