Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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