How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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