summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
So squirting runs in the family.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
