You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i will never coherently bang her
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
