the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
