My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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