why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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