im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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