A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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