rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
