I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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