the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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