I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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