I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
