new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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