I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
