So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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