i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
