Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
