I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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