You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
