I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How does it feel to date your dad?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
