i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize