i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
