haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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