if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
