too bad you live with your parents still
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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