He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Boobs are out for the taking
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize