i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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