I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
