my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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