I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
