i really wish james franco would like my vagina
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
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It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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