Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
