yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
