I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
