I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
