For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
