dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
