Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have feelings that need drinking.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
