you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
