I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
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At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sorry my hands just texted you
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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