i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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